February 29, 2016
I first met this man literally
when Ronel introduced me to him because were classmates back then, 1st
year – 2nd sem. He was nice. He even shook hands with me after and I
was like, is he really like this? Not until someone and then someone and then
someone told me some issues about him that he has really this bad attitude and
all that. It was then I certainly hated him without even giving a chance to
myself to know him better, I just really hated him that time that I can’t keep
my mouth blabbering to my friends who knew him and asking if he’s really like
that always. That adds more to the hatred I felt towards him.
Despite of that hatred towards
him, we still talk, sort of a just short conversations asking assignments and
all that. We’re not close that time so the convos was just short. There was
this time, Physics time when I preferred to sit in the back rather than
listening to our teacher, and he was just in my front so he talked to me. He
didn’t know I didn’t like him, as a person of course. He asked me just chill
questions at first and then in the midst of that, he shared that he was a
mathematician in his high school years despite not having honors. He fully
shared it even if I didn’t ask so I just listened. Well, I could be a good
listener, sometimes? And then, it’s his turn to ask me, which I don’t know
about. I mean, I’m a well, quite surprised. He asked me why I chose Engineering
as my profession after I shared that I’m not really good in Math. And so, I
answered that I want to study more about the things I haven’t yet grasped a
full understanding of. And ooooops, that time I started to make him suffer in my
mind, well he just said, that yeah, I’m good with all the subjects except Math,
he still not quite sure if I’m a math genius or not which I find a bit
insulting. I never asked him about his opinion or compliment or what do you
call that. Day after day, I hated him more.
Well, I used the word ‘hated’
right which means a past tense? Yes. Past. It’s just that days, we’ll get to
that later. Months passed than I realized, it was March, summer is impending.
My new classmates and I are already getting closer till one day, we just have
fun chatting outside the room and then this man talked to me. We joke and I
don’t remember quite well. That time, we tackle about birthdays, because it’s
amazing, almost all of us were born in the month of March and so he did tell me
that his birth month was March too. He demanded me to tell what’s exactly the
date of my birthday because I’m a ‘Marcher’ too and I told him its secret. But
he insists, he saw the back of my ID and he blurted that it was the very same
date too of his special day. And so, I was shocked eh? I have one of my
classmate too in high school who has a very same birthdate to me and now that
I’m in college, one of my classmates is too.
Well, this would be still a very
long story so lets’ jump forward. I started getting closer with him when we
were 2nd years, 1st sem. And the more I know him, the
more I proved myself wrong that it was a very bad mistake hating him back then
without even knowing him first. It was when I shared something to him like
Joiena doesn’t know about that we first get closed. And then, on and on, we
shared secrets. His secret was he had a crush of one of our classmates. He even
let me read their conversation in Messenger. And I appreciate him sharing
secret with me until now, well for me, it means I am being a trusted person.
Well, he is a man never pretending to be like someone else. He cusses every
time he likes and his attitude were really gross, but still he keeps on doing
that even if sometimes, people don’t get along with him because of that.
Well, as for me, he’s just being
himself. And no one could let that out of us. That indications are a very
strong proof that he is really true to his self in front of all the people that
surrounds him and that’s what I admired about him. There’s only a few people
who can accept who they really are and never pretending as someone else. At
first, I’m just really happy that the person I have a very gross impression
with and even hated with was one of the persons who means a lot to me now. I’m
happy that he’s happy being close with me and then, that’s when the ‘twinnie’
word came in because as he said, we have similar birthdays so we’re twins.
That’s it.
I was just shocked one day too
that day after day, we’re getting closer and closer and I’m just very glad
about it. I never imagined having a close friendship with him so… Well, every
time I shared something about, he has this ability to say and satisfy you about
what’s the right thing and all that. He has always a say to something. Well,
this man is a man full of reasoning. I shouldn’t be surprised at all. Not until
this afternoon.
It was Saturday, resuming one o:
clock for the lecture and we were late so I get chairs from the other room and
he was just in the back and it’s difficult for me to find space in the front
because our teacher was discussing so I opted sitting beside him. I said that I
received a call this morning and said that he sounded like him, and he just
said ‘then?’. And then, I was flabbergasted, he has always a say to something
and yet, that’s what just he said. I felt disappointed. Awhile after he respond
I said that I just want to share it because I don’t know the person who called
first and then he replied ‘are you implying that I’m the one who called you?’ I
can’t remember quite well the words he used but it’s something like that. And
then, I got mad on him without him knowing because he really doesn’t know that
this small talk could give me this reaction. Well, I wouldn’t deny too. It’s
obvious, to me of course!
In the field that time, he tried
to talk to me, me not responding until he asked if I’m angry with him. And, I’m
not surprised though, he’s always like that. I still didn’t make a response to
all of what he said until the field survey is over which lead me calling Ronel.
It was a 40 minutes call I think? It was my grandmother’s birthday, February 6. I shared all of what I felt
to that man to him, fortunately, he’s not really like Joiena, who’s I’m sure
after I shared will be teasing me over and over again. Yes! My closest friend
doesn’t know about this. Just two persons: me and Ronel. I trust Ronel of
course. I just felt that it’s really a right time to talk about this after what
happened. I got mad of him just like that? It’s very childish of me, sure
that’s what people would think. So, to sum it all up I told Ronel that maybe I
already began liking him, this man. It’s just so funny thinking that the person
you hated for almost one semester of your life is the one that softens slowly
your heart now.
Now, every time I saw him, well,
I have this feeling I can’t explain. That I’m happy? I don’t know, er. I’m
happy that he exists in this life, that I met him. He’s not really an ideal
crush or something, I swear. He’s a type that you would be disappointed
instantly. LOL. Yes! He has a gross attitude but behind that lies the heart of
a true and honest man. A very caring person, gentleman? Okay, let’s add that
up. What else? Hmmm. A happy go lucky person, ah, a genius one also. Well, when
I share something about him, just in the cellphone text or fb, I feel like
myself, I can say whatever it is that truly happened. Well, of course I can’t
say I’m being myself every time with him in person. But of course usually I am!
He doesn’t have a little bit of a clue that someone, from his classmates,
already felt like this towards him.
Oh! I almost forgot. He
compliments me. It was just yesterday when they practiced their play and the
person who’ll be playing Donya Dolores didn’t come so I ended reading her
lines. Just one line I uttered, I heard this man saying “Cleo is so good” and I
can’t ever forget that. Of course, he didn’t know I heard that and that’s very
nice to me coming that words from him. After, walking back to our places, he
extended his compliment. He elaborates that I’m so good, daw, because of this
and that, this and that. Well, I’m happy that I’m not really the type of who I
am from the past. I just let it sink in my mind and pretending I didn’t care in
person but in my mind? Well, who knows what’s in my mind? Only me, right? So….
And this night, for the second
time, I ended up reading Dolores’ lines again and I don’t have a script so he
gave me his cellphone and after when I was about to return it to him, it slowly
falls down but I did my best to catch it but he’s on his way of saving it too
which lead my right eye collide in his head and it so damn hurts. It’s okay now
though, but, aiish. He’s so worried of his phone. LOL. He said it was fine,
just a few scratch so I don’t have to worry about it. He asked me several times
if I’m okay which made my mind smile again. Aiish, okay fine! I’m being over
reacting here!
But he was really a nice man,
this man. And I hope, he’ll just continue whoever he is now, that this man that
I know now will still be the man in the future that I’ll be chatting with.
March 1, 2016
Instead of studying for our
Integral midterms later, I just find myself typing this article of him. Tssss.
10:50 PM
We chatted till around 12:20 in
the morning. “The downfall of that was everybody saw the head-butt.” I love how
he said that, I mean typed.
March 2, 2016
Well, after we chatted I post
something like this in my Facebook.
“There’s good in him. And when you see the
good in someone, you
don’t give up on them.
Especially when they don’t see it themselves.”
I just really wanted to post it
after scanning my past diaries. Well, obviously, I’m pertaining to him but I
bet he’s not that really a ‘feeler’ eh? Hahahaha. But, he was online around 10
AM and he didn’t like the status. I don’t know if he already noticed or read
that. It was not really my concern though. It just kept me wondering.
March 3, 2016
09:00 PM
Twas’ Integral Calculus’
dismissal and I pranked hardly with Jessa and Lanoy. But then, there was this
one classmate of mine who I thought was Lanoy and aish. . I don’t want to write
it. I immediately went outside and teary eyed. I remembered something. And
then, this man came out, asked me if I’m okay and instead of answering yes or
no, I answered Sanoy hit me in my shoulder and then he went back inside the
room. He told Sanoy that I am crying and all that. I appreciate it but I didn’t
really cry. Well, he’s really like that so there’s really nothing special. JUST
WRITING.
Maybe I shouldn’t be so, what do
you call this? I don’t want to give deeper meanings in every actions I make or
he makes. It’s just our friendship, okay? That’s friends. And please Cleo, stop
concluding instantly what you just did. Like you just encourage him when you
chatted just now, “Oy. Taronga ugma J.”
Okay? You just gave him good luck and it’s not bad. Deeeeem. I’m soooooo….
March 4, 2016
06:50 PM
This night was the presentation
of our play entitled Wanted: A Chaperon. He played as Don Francisco. He’s good
and I was struck by the reason on why he did get the role. He wants to help.
Well, it’s really helping. Because this character has so many lines and yet, he
did not hesitate on playing it. Actually, they are all damn good, specially
Joiena. LOLS. And, just before it started I saw Debbie’s best friend which is
this man’s crush. When I saw her, I have this feeling in me thinking that she
was so lucky. Lucky that she caught the eyes of this man, who’s very hard to
please? I can’t find the right words.
After all of that play thing, it
was Rizal’s time. In the midst of reporting, I said something that is very
against on my subconscious mind. It took me minutes of hesitating and putting
up all of my courage to just say these words. I said that maybe, during the
play, he was very inspired because his crush was there. He smiled. Well,
actually, before I said those words, he was already smiling chatting someone. I
don’t have any clue of who’s that person is. So he smiled after I said those,
and then he answered that he was not really inspired, but was so happy knowing
that she’s there. It’s just the same right? Being so happy means you are
inspired too right? He just didn’t answer it directly which made me sad. He
could’ve just said yes.
09:00 PM
I was gonna just buy some viand
and I saw him on where I would be heading. Soooo, instead of just buying viand,
I prefer on eating there, with him and Lanoy. I don’t know what’s gotten into
me that time. I guess I just really wanted that we’re together. The way he
talks to me was so like before, I mean I’m not expecting that there would be a
change in something or everything. It just implies that he’s not really into
me. He doesn’t like me that way. I am not gonna ever beg for his attention even
if I really want to and I am not gonna ever take advantage of our closeness as
friends. Wait, are we still even close now?
March 5, 2016
He was so really in love with
Luisa. I should be happy right? I used to get hook with the love stories of the
people I know even if it was just a joke, like Jessa and Lanoy. But why don’t I
feel the same way with the story of this man, his crush? I should be happy.
When you like someone, you just like him and you shouldn’t care about the rest
of the things, even if he has someone out there that makes him happy. I should
get used to it. And uh, Joiena already know about this. Well she promised not
to get soooo….
March 6, 2016
I remember those time when we
chat and he craves for an ice cream. The day after that night, we talked about
it and laughed. Twas’ after Sir Psycho dismissed us. Joiena is making her
plates in Integral. That time, it was just so nice. Our smiles and laughs are
so genuine, no mixed awkwardness or shyness. I felt we’re really close. And I
can say that, I prefer that more than him knowing what I feel about him. It’s
not really important and I guess, no one would really care. I am making
everything a big deal which is not really necessary. I am so affected. Our
birthdays are impending and I don’t really have plans.
I should control these feelings. It isn’t
really helping. Sometimes, when I think about him, I feel like I’m a bomb ready
to explode any second because of the complications. Just like last night, I
slept hard because of him. Arghhhhhhhhh. This is so really bad. I think I am
being a bad friend. I hope that he didn’t really notice this damn feeling of me
and I wish it’s not that really obvious.
Last night, in Bread Delight, I
heard him saying that no one really loves him and I heard him muttering the
name of his crush. And we don’t have to argue with that. It’s so obvious he’s a
feeling a bit of sad too because his crush doesn’t reciprocate feelings with
him. I wish, I sincerely am, that he can get what he wants. That he can be
happy, that Luisa would gave him a chance. I mean a chance of knowing this man
so that he would not be always really feeling like that. I don’t care what
would I feel when they’re already getting pretty good. He should be happy. He
deserved to be.
February 23, 2017
Hell yeah. Its been a year and this article wasn't even lost or deleted.
Well, he's happy now but not because of Luisa. Its Cindy, our day classmate
whom he finds so cute, up until now when its been months. I'm happy that
atleast, Cindy let him continue what he's doing like yea obviously caring like
sort-of-almost-bf-responsibilty. Yea I saw it that way. Well, its not wrong lol
they even look so good together so Im already assuming that they already found
their happy ending. Lol not that ending, like in movies ofcourse when we're
still standing here, opposing gravity, there wasn't and ending happening. Like
you know, a new beginning you desired for a long time, an endng for that desire
because you start feeling that everyday. Him, starting thay day yea ofcourse
yey Im happy for him. I wish them happiness 😍Coo
